20 Mar Chrome plugin appeals to your inner passive aggressive socially anxious self
There’s a button for everything
Summon a car or a smoothie with a touch, buy anything from shampoo to diamonds with a click, and restock your laundry detergent from the comfort of your laundry room with a literal button you can stick on your wall. All the while, Staples’ robotic “That was easy” slogan will ring incessantly in your ears.
We’ve solved a lot of annoying problems with buttons, but many nuisances continue to roam free, unbuttoned. For instance, no matter how easy it is to order detergent, we still have to do the darn laundry, instead of our clothes just taking responsibility for themselves and doing their own washing up.
The problems we’ve yet to solve are as multifarious as they are nefarious. We have to deal not only with annoying chores, but also with annoying people. These people have infiltrated our entire lives, from restaurants, to parties, and even our workplaces. No matter how well-meaning Janice from Accounting is, she doesn’t give af that you have work to do – she will tell you all about her niece’s recital or her dachshund’s toy preferences (he’ll take a squeaky chew toy over a tug-of-war toy any day, FYI).
Now a button for annoying coworkers
Next time Janice from Accounting heads your way, wouldn’t it be nice if you could push a button and make her turn around? A new Chrome plugin called NOPE is making your passive aggressive dreams a reality.
Here’s what you have to do. First, install the plugin and set it up with your phone number proactively. A small green icon with the letter “N” will appear in your browser. Then, when Janice from Accounting tries to launch into the saga of her gluten intolerance, discreetly click the icon and apologize profusely as your phone begins to ring.
You’re getting a call from New York – sorry Janice, another time! But there will be no other time.
Because with this button, you are now the master of your desk, ruler of your productivity, and all-around winner, now and forever.
Until, you know, Janice notices that you get a phone call literally every time she sees you. Or she reads this article. Or evolves a mutation in which she sheds the human decency that allows for private phone calls and is able to talk over whatever fake phone conversation you make up, and you eventually realize it’s easier to just let her talk without having to improv a phone call twice a day.
Seriously, if you need this plugin to be productive at work, you need to work on your communication skills. Give it to Janice straight, and get back to work already.
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